A safe place to receive absolution…
Oo er, it’s better out than in love!
‘I finished with one of my teenage boyfriends on Valentine’s Day, just for the sadistic thrill of it’
(Alison, Nottingham)
‘My lushtastic mum and one of her friends once drank all my dad’s home brew. I was sent out to replace it with cheap Hock from Safeways. He was so pleased with what he thought was a splendid vintage that he spent many years trying to replicate his success with an array of Boots Home Brew gadgets.’
(Mel, Lyme Regis)
‘I had a friend whose birthday was the same as mine. When we were seven, we both got a pet – she got a dog and I got a rabbit. I tried to astonish her by naming my pet Tuppence – as I knew she had called her dog – and then pretended it was all an amazing coincidence.’ (Jane, London)
After almost two years of suffering living separately from my husband of 20 years during the week, I can finally admit that there is something really lovely about my evenings of solitude! And single parenting during the week, now that I've got the hang of it, is kind of difficult to give up when he returns!
(Sarah, New York)
‘I hate prawns, liver and spinach. My husband loves prawns, liver and spinach. We never eat prawns, liver or spinach.’ (Suzanne, Bolton)
‘When I was at school, once a term we would have to serve lunch to the senior staff. It was meant to be an honour for us. But their lunch was nicer than ours. They didn’t have to endure grey liver and gristly mince with gelatinous macaroni cheese, followed by tapioca. Even their coconut sponge and gypsy tart were in a league of their own. We would collect the trolley from the school kitchen and wheel it through the dining hall and along a corridor to the staff dining room. We would always end up diverting the trolley off and wheeling it miles out of the way. Once out of view we would lift the lids and if it was something like roast potatoes we would pick up a potato each, give it a lick and pop it back in the dish. If custard was on offer we would all have a swig from the big jug and dip our fingers in. Nothing would be left untouched by pupil’s hands. When we had stopped crying with laughter and were able to uncross our legs, we would wheel it back. It was very satisfying to deliver the lunch and serve up the culinary fare with our clumsy silver service techniques, knowing that we had added our own flavourings to it.’
(Mel, Lyme Regis)
‘A friend of mine was born on April 1st and his life was, sadly, a bit of a joke. Even when he tried to commit suicide, he overdosed on laxatives by mistake’
(Jean, Exeter)
‘I once recycled some very unusual chocolates my mother gave me to my mother-in-law. When I shortly afterwards had my first baby, both mother and mother-in-law came to visit on the same day. Out came those bloody chocolates. My mother raised an eyebrow whilst I quickly explained that I thought they were so wonderful, I had gone out and looked everywhere to track some more down….’
(Anne-Marie, Chiswick)
My favorite treat as a teenager was to buy a "Seventeen" magazine & a large chocolate bar. I'd grab the big jar of peanut butter, a big glass of whole milk & slip off to my room & lock the door. There I would read each & every page, soaking in the images, smearing spoonfuls of peanut butter on my chocolate & washing it all down with milk! I still can't turn those slick pages without recalling the deliciousness of that guilt-free full-fat experience of anticipating womanhood!
(Sarah, New York)
Want to fess up? Send us your confesssions, large or small, to confess@magnificentme.com. Tell us where you're from and give us your first or even full name if you dare (but you can always stay anonymous if you prefer!)
