R U 4 REAL? <:\

Jilliene Jewell kicks off our Bitch spot with a heartfelt plea for more personal interaction

A new phenomenon has crept into my life and, I suspect, all of our lives to a certain extent. Some of my friends are dealing with personal conflict via text and email rather than face to face. The younger and/or busier said friends are more likely to take this sort of 'virtual' route. Don't get me wrong. I am an online freak and addict with probably too many 'social network' accounts. I am a texter too, though usually this is limited to arranging meetings or to confirm if I need to buy milk. Oh, and of course the occasional bitch and moan about life to my mates.

But take this for example. A friend of mine was confused why the guy she was seeing was not replying to her emails or texts immediately (general consensus being that replying within 24 hours seems to be acceptable and anything more, the person is ignoring you or dead or has lost their phone or their computer exploded). She sent him an email finally asking what was going on and she wanted more than this and if he couldn't do that then maybe they should end it. Of course this gave the guy an easy-out and he replied with something to the effect of, 'You're right. This isn't working. I think we should stop seeing each other'. I don't think that is what she expected. Now, after 3 months of dating, that is pretty harsh, firstly to approach the conflict at such a non-personal level, and then to cut someone off just like that. Chucking someone has never been so easy.

Another friend of mine who had some work related 'issues' with me, rather than ringing me, let the issues build up and sent me a bit of a rant via email on Facebook. What happened to the phonecall or the chat over a cup of coffee/glass of wine? I have as much difficulty, if not more, as anybody else, with conflict and confrontation but (hope) I don't resort to the e-relationship approach with people I am close to.

Where's the body language? How can you discuss in a couple of messages what would actually take a couple of hours in person, tears and all?

Despite spending an hour editing and re-editing an email to your best friend about how you really have a problem with her new boyfriend as he is married or you think she doesn't make enough time for you, how can you know how someone is affected by you and your actions at such a distance?

How much misunderstanding and bad feeling is this brewing all around us? And what of the text that doesn't ever get a reply?  'How R U?' (when you really mean 'God, I miss you, why don't you ring me?')...No reply. No reply. That horrible feeling of not being in control of a conversation because the ball is in someone else's court. Jeez! I wish I had just rung them, you think to yourself. A face to face confrontation demands an immediate reply, and at least an opportunity for sensitivity.

Apparently London is the biggest growing network on Facebook at the moment, which I put down to people working too much; desperate for a social life and a sense of community but stuck in the office for 10 hours in front of a computer, which is perpetually connected to the internet like a sort of lifeline to the outside world.  Millions of us are building up social networks on Myspace, Tribe and Facebook connecting with people around the globe. For at least a decade now communicating with work colleagues, clients etc by email has been the norm, many of whom we will never meet but we may communicate with regularly, even daily. It's almost as if the way we have acclimatized to this online world is slowly overriding 'normal' social interaction. Or is this evolution? The tendency towards sorting out personal 'problems' electronically is partly because of this 24/7 lifestyle. We are all very, very busy people and e-communications is super convenient and gives the added bonus of not having to deal with someone's reactions. But how can we become better people and good friends if we are losing this flip side of intimacy, which we all want to avoid and now can? How do we get close if we don't go through ups and downs (without trying to sound like Carrie Bradshaw here...).

I fear for my children. Their courtship rituals will most likely start with: 'Will U go out w me?', followed by the first 'I Luv U', after which they'll be 'doing a Britney' (the popstar famously dumped her partner via text message), 'UR Dumpd'. Heaven help us!